Thursday, May 19, 2011

May 19, 2011 - Me

Whew, I was surprised with the intro to your email. We play Calvary in church softball and I was afraid they had gotten to you before me and wanted the money. I don't trust those guys.

I am so happy you read my reply. It humbles me to know that you were impressed with my use of grammar and punctuation. I make mistakes, but I get back up on that proverbial word processor and keep trying.

I noticed that you said that you didn't want to be disappointed or betrayed with the use of this money. That brings up two points that I wish to discuss with you. 1. I am not a trustworthy person. I am afraid that I may use some of the money and not put it all in the ministry. I have two smotherless babies at home and I was thinking I could use a little for their college account. Also, gas and food are expensive and they have to go to school and eat, so I thought I could set up an investment portfolio that would pay quarterly to help with the cost of inflation. 2. I live in America. Under the current tax structure I am afraid that some of your money is going to end up with the government. If part of the money ends up there, you are going to be very disappointed by its use. Those crazy people go through money like water!

I also noticed that Angela Micheal is helping you. I have to admit that I missed this in your first letter. It must have been in the subtext, but I didn't see it. This wouldn't be the same Micheal listed as an Angel in the Bible would it?

Speaking of Bible, I am glad you included some randomly-strung verses in this message. I must admit I am a little perplexed by the use of John and Matthew because they have nothing to do with your paragraph. I am guessing these are included as a code for me to decipher. Surely there wouldn't be three disjointed sentences hanging at the end of a paragraph like that. If you could please help me with this code I would much appreciate it.

I can't wait to get this transaction finished so that I can start the Smotherless Baby's Widows Foundation. I do have one problem. I noticed that you said when I send my information I will be "legally approved... [as] the legitimate next of kin." We have a big problem: I am not your kin. I mean, sure, if we go back to Ham, Shem and Japheth we are all kin right? But what about the legality of such a statement in this current godless society? They will never accept our Noahic kinship as legitimate!

What do you advise?

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