Sunday, July 3, 2011

June 30 - First Scammer Email

From Mrs.Faith John,

Dearest in Christ,

I am the above named person from South Africa. I am married to Dr Clement John who worked with South Africa Embassy in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died in the year 2008. We were married for twenty one years without a child.

He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Before his death we were both born again Christian. Since his death I decided not to remarry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of ($2,500,000).Two Million Five Hundred Thousand Dollars in the Security Company here in Abidjan,and adviced me that he used my name as the next of kin and security company officials does not know the real contents of the trunk box because he comorflage it as (FAMILY VALUABLES AND TREASURES) it is still with the Security Company.

Recently my Doctor told me that i have serious sickness which is cancer problem the one that disturbs me most is my stroke sickness.Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a church or individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein. I want a church that will use this fund for orphanages, widows, propagating the word of God and to endeavor that the house of God is maintained.

The Bible made us to understand that,Blessed is the hand that giveth, I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and I don't want my husband's efforts to be in vain. I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly way. This is why I am taking this decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace and i know with this development With God all things are possible.

As soon as i receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the security company here in Abidjan.I want you and the church to always pray for me because the lord is my shephard. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that Wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and Truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life.Contact me on the above e_mail address for more informations, any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing another church or individual for this same purpose.

Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated here.
Hoping to receive your reply.
Remain blessed in the Lord.
Yours in Christ,
Mrs.Faith John

July 3 - My first response

Mrs. Faith John,

I am so glad that you emailed me. It sounds like you have quite the story. Just for clarification, are you in South Africa or Abidjan? I get those two confused, but I hear southern Africa is beautiful this time of year.

I am sorry for your husband's death. I would love to have met him. It appears he was a real genius. To camouflage a trunk box containing 2.5 million dollars with the words FAMILY VALUABLES AND TREASURES displays a high level of aptitude. I would have probably labeled the box BORING OLD TAX DOCUMENTS and someone would have thrown them away. You know, Al Gore actually had this idea for America's Social Security plan, but he is an idiot, so no one listened.

I do want to correct one thing you said in your letter. You seem to believe that the Bible forbids you to remarry and have children. It is really clear in the New Testament that after the death of your spouse you can remarry. I have already picked out my replacement wife (just in case). I just hope Joan Rivers outlives my current wife, because I have no plan C. Now, you may have some trouble as you are suffering from cancer (are you bald yet?) and a stroke sickeness (does one side of your face sag?). To be honest (and I am speaking as a guy here) you are not very marketable. We are mostly interested in how a woman looks. Think Joan Rivers and you will know what we are all about. Maybe one of those match maker sites that doesn't require a picture could help you...

One thing you are right about: the Bible teaches that blessed are those who give. I am impressed by your use of the early-modern-English form: giveth. I know that you wrote that first-hand and didn't copy it from anywhere, because that phrase doesn't exist in the Authorized Version. I also appreciate your use of Exodus 14:14. Whenever those pesky Egyptians are chasing me through the wilderness, I recall that God will fight for Israel in a covenant-fulfilling historical setting. Very encouraging for me as a 21st-century American.

If you want to send me the money, I will use it to maintain God's house (in a New Testament temple way) just as you have asked.